Confessions of a Guilty Conscience.

Not sure if I should share this story or not. I wonder if my children will one day laugh as they read it or think I’m a terrible person…either way it’s the truth, and my conscience is screaming at me so I’m hoping that a written confession might settle my still shaking hands and pounding hart. 

My plight began Saturday morning, when my ever increasing baby hunger, transformed a quick trip to the hard ware store for sprinkler parts; into our dabbling with chicken farming.  I can see Jake and I driving home in my mind; me with an expression of pure joy as I cradled the soft fuzzy chicks in my lap and Jake shaking his head and sighing periodically for show. After spotting them at the store it had taken me only moments to come up with a plan for them to come live at our house for a week before taking them to Blanding to have a permanent home at my Dad’s field.

My plan was to have a fun Easter surprise for the kids the next morning when they awoke. It was a win a win, I got something I wanted and I knew they would love it as well.  I snuck my little friends inside and set them up a cozy home hidden in the basement. They peeped happily and I was pretty pleased with myself.  Jake and I periodically snuck down throughout the day to check on our new little friends.  We noticed right away that one of them was a little more docile then the others.  I thought maybe it was a little younger or just more tired.  I didn’t worry about it a whole lot.  The next morning the kids awoke to find the Easter Bunny had left them a treasure hunt with clues.  They were elated to find the chicks at the end, and since Ellie called them “Ducks” when she found them, I figured it was probably a good educational experience as well. 

The kids each picked a chick and quickly gave them names. A yellow one named Sunshine, and Red one named Red, and a striped one named Stripey. We are quite a creative lot. The kids enjoyed them even more then I expected. We spent the day lying in the grass, enjoying the sunshine and watching them explore their surroundings.

Autumn was a little terrifying, with hands that excitedly squeeze a little too tight and feet that don’t look where they are going. She sure loved them though, and we managed to help her enjoy them without letting her crush a single one.

 Throughout the day we noticed that while Stipey and Red would run around, Sunshine would sleep every chance she got. She also didn’t seem to eat and drink like the other two.  Ellie loved her tenderly and would give her sweet little kisses. I started feeding her with a dropper, and getting really worried. I checked on her a few times during the night and all three chicks seemed fine.  The next morning she had taken a turn for the worse.  She wouldn’t stand any more, and the other chicks had started to peck at her.  I went into full stress mode. I fed her a little with the dropper and she seemed to get a little more alert, but she didn’t seem right.  She stood still peeping incessantly as the other two continued to peck at her so I separated her from them, and told the kids she was a little sick and we needed to leave her alone. Ellie was sad that her chickey didn’t feel good, and I was getting really upset.  I just really didn’t want to deal with watching it slowly deteriorate and die.  I know that is a life lesson that all kids have to learn, but I didn’t feel up for it quite yet.  I loved growing up and having animals that my Dad raised on his hobby farm, but I also had my heart broken a lot.  Every year you lose some of the animals when they get sick or just aren’t born right. I never quite managed to get tough enough for the whole thing, which is the same reason I never caught the love of hunting.

Jake called and said he would stop and get me a new one on his way home if it died before then.  I really didn't want to have to watch it die. Suddenly I got very desperate.  I called the hardware store hoping they would let me come exchange it for a new chick. They told me no, saying all sales were “as is” and final.  My mind started racing searching for an out, that didn’t involve me watching it slowly die or putting it out of its misery.  

I quickly devised a plan. I felt like I was functioning in fast forward. I dropped the kids off at my friends and told them Sunshine was sick, and I needed to take her to the Dr to get a shot so she could get better. I drove to the hardware store and went in and purchased a new yellow chick.  This time making sure the one I got was plenty lively.  My hands were trembling as I handed the cashier the money.  As quickly as I could, I ran back to my car and switched the chicks. Guiltily looking around to make sure I was unseen I placed Sunshine in the box that Sunshine 2.0 had just been purchased in and like a mother abandoning her child, I left the box at the front doorstep of the store.  My heart pounded and I shook all over as I watched the front of the store from the inside of my car across the street.  I hoped someone would find the box and return it to the store, maybe Sunshine would end up pulling through and maybe she wouldn’t but at least I wouldn’t have to watch anymore. I watched three different people enter the store and no one seemed to notice the chicken box.  My mind raced. I didn’t want the poor thing to have to lay out there in the cold all day.  I dialed the store and gave them a lie. In a disguised voice, which for some reason I felt was necessary, I explained that I had been walking by and noticed someone had left a chick out front.  The lady who spoke to sounded confused and thanked me for telling her.  I watched as she came out and carried the box inside.  

I drove home with the sound of peep peeping from Sunshine 2.0 on the seat next to me.  I was flooded with a mixture of relief, guilt, and adrenaline.  What kind of crazy person leaves a baby chick on the door step of a store because she can’t deal with it being sick!?!  I must be at least a little chemically imbalanced!!!

One last note, all three kids were sure excited to see how much the shot has helped Sunshine.  Ellie even said a little prayer and thanked Heavenly Father for helping her chick get better.  I’m pretty sure there is a warm seat in hell with my name on it waiting for me. J